Infrequent Sex or Uneven Desire

The desire for sex varies widely from person to person.  There is no “ideal” frequency for sex.  What does happen with fairly high frequency is that one or the other partner in a couple feels that they have sex too infrequently.  This feeling is more common in couples who share sex less than perhaps two times a month.

Kissing couple

Feelings of too-infrequent sex often occur in a situation where the members of a couple have widely-different desires for sexual frequency.  In such cases, the members of the couple have “uneven” or “differing” desire.  Most often, it is the male member of a (heterosexual) couple who feels that the sex is too infrequent.  While women can and often do have a strong sexual appetite, it is usually intimacy (emotional closeness and connection) that they crave.  Sex without accompanying intimacy tends to have less appeal for women than for men.

Couples who experience feelings of infrequent sex and/or uneven desire may need help in communicating and negotiating with one another.  A loving partner can’t respond with support if he or she isn’t aware of how their partner is feeling.  Even if the partners are able to be clear in communicating how they’re feeling, and what they want or don’t want, they need to come to agreement on what will work best for the couple.  Satisfying one partner at the expense of the other will likely only build resentment, not closeness.  Negotiating skills are needed in going through the give-and-take that results in what’s best for the couple.

A trained sex coach can help in all of these areas.  He or she can help surface how both members of a couple are feeling (usually in a combination of couples and individual coaching).  The coach can then help both members of the couple to clearly communicate their desires, and to negotiate their way to a happy middle-ground.  The result is a stronger and more satisfying relationship that’s based on mutual caring and consideration.  The communication and negotiating skills that the coach can impart are useful in all aspects of the clients’ lives, not just in their sexual agreements.

A knowledgeable sex coach can be a powerful partner in addressing these issues.  Here’s What I Do to help my clients.